Or is it easier or more comfortable to think others and life are the ones that need to change?
One of the ways I know I need to change is when I find myself thinking thoughts in a certain way for an extended time, or I think pretty much the same types of thoughts over and over, but none of this thought activity moves me forward or causes me to feel the way I desire to. This is especially true when it involves another person's behaviors that I feel a challenge, contrast, or conflict with, and wish they'd change so I could feel better.
What about you?
What do you do that leads you to see the most obvious and first change to make is in you?
One of the first things we could, should, or would change is our thoughts; and fortunately for us, since we're the only ones who have them, we can address them. That random thoughts will happen spontaneously is a given. Trying to control or stop this fact is a waste of time. But you can transmute thoughts, that is redirect them, once they happen, which takes practice. However, it's important that you distinguish between thought contemplation based in a genuine desire to solve, resolve, or improve and negatively dwelling on or harping on a matter, the latter being a thought activity that will never get you to where you want to be: peaceful, no matter what.
You're going to interact with, or live with, people whose behaviors could be improved; and others will feel the same about you. When someone's behavior triggers you out of your serenity and joy, your quickest way back to those feelings is to change something in or about you, starting with your attitude, mindset, or perspective, and followed by constructive or productive words and/or actions, or even appropriate silence and inaction at times.
You could say a good goal is to stay in peace and in trust in the Universe (though, this is more than a mere goal, it's a desirable way to be); but the words "stay in" puts you on the spot: Who can stay in that mindset all the time? However, as I said a moment ago about thoughts, you can transmute and redirect negative energies that surface in you, which will take practice. And this is a worthy practice because your peace and trust in the Universe are the fastest pathways for the Universe to rebalance what you perceive as having gone off-center in you and your life, in accordance with how Law of Attraction is designed to work, and does.
It's not always necessarily a simple matter to return to peace and trust once triggered by someone or an event, but it is doable. What is also doable is to practice peace and trust in the Universe before you're triggered. It's like that old saying, "A stitch in time saves nine." If you practice on smaller annoyances, you begin to fine-tune yourself for if or when larger ones come along. None of this means you deny, suppress, or never share what you feel; it's about what you do with and about your emotions that surface as a result of your feelings, and your beliefs.
When you think about seeking or having peace, you may think of a quiet place like an isolated beach or an ashram, or a walk in nature, or eliminating every annoying person or matter from your life. However, there are other ways to seek and create peace that we may not as readily think about: assessing and modifying some of our behaviors. Here are some general behaviors some may want to look at:
- Any
of your behaviors that consistently trigger or annoy someone or a number
of others in a not-good way.
- What
you say and/or do in a consistent manner that doesn't cause you to feel
good or better about yourself, others, and any aspect of your life or life
in general.
- You're
always, nearly always, or far too often for your own good, in a negative
mood or mindset.
- You
consider yourself superior to all or certain others, which always results
in your mistreatment of them, and their subsequent mistreatment of you.
- You
expect and wait for anyone or anything to change, to please your ego-based
needs and desires, before you feel good or happy. Note: I'm addressing
ego-based needs here, not realistic or practical needs, or behavior
anomalies that require real internal or external adjustment for the
well-being of those involved.
- You
consistently practice negative levels of gossip or complaining (which is
not the same as productive venting to an appropriate listener).
- You're
free with criticism and opinions, whether or not you're asked for these,
and deliver them in ways that are non-supportive and don't encourage the
understanding, illumination, or improvement you desire.
- You
get angry fast and often, and "go in with gloves on" rather than
pick your battles, and pick a more appropriate time to address them.
- You
practice payback or revenge.
- You
practice unusual, non-productive, or harmful levels of self-condemnation.
- You
base your self-worth on anyone or anything external to you, and forget or
ignore that you are an expression of the Universe.
- You
believe you have to do everything about or in your life, and don't include
the Universe as your partner.
We all deal with the need or necessity of change differently, especially when it's a change in us that's needed.
Here are some very generalized descriptions of how five behavior types may approach a need for change.
- Aggressive types will use coercion, force, verbal abuse, and/or physical abuse against others. But, they won't necessarily recognize their aggressions as such; or if they do recognize them, they may decide they are justified. They may think this is the way to get things done the way they want them to be done: the end justifies the means. They believe little to nothing needs to change about them.
- Passive-Aggressive
types will resist doing what they need to do or what others need or ask
them to do, especially if the request is demanding or authoritative. They
may toss out "zinger" statements to make someone feel guilty
because they are uncomfortable speaking their truth in a better way. They
believe guilt will show (or force) others the errors of their ways; and
they'll mope and sulk until the change they desire is obvious and
consistent. They control others, or attempt to, by making them feel at
fault for how unhappy they feel.
- Passive
types will fold their energy up like a telescope, and offer no resistance.
They suppress the bad feelings they have, but they have them in spades.
Passivity, though, lasts for only so long before the person opts for
another behavior to release the pressure that's built up. This is because
they are not actually easy-going (a very different mindset), but one of
the other types above in disguise.
- Assertive
types look for ways to collaborate or compromise. They speak out and they
listen to what others have to say. They're ready to take needed action,
and take it. As long as they don't cross over into aggressive behaviors,
they stay in the "assertive" zone. They do what they can to
accomplish what they set out to do, and often feel confident about
decision-making. They tend to encourage, guide, or mentor others.
- Spiritual
types observe what's going on. They ask themselves and/or the Universe for
right questions then seek and ask right questions of others. They ask and
trust the Universe to show others, as well as themselves, adjustments that
need to be or could be made, rather than charging into battle about
matters. Their mantra for more complicated circumstances (and life) is,
"I may not know how or when this will be taken care of, but I know
the Universe is working on it." They pay attention to signals from
the Universe about how and when they should take certain actions. They
mostly stay in, or return to, peace and trust more easily, based on
experience and lots of practice. They tend to be more easy-going than
other types because of this.
When we don't observe our own behaviors through the appropriate lens, we miss opportunities to choose ways to have and be the feelings we desire most. Look back at the list of behaviors to consider, and perhaps add your own. Look back at the five behavior types and see which one is your current predominant style and which one you'd prefer to be your predominant style. Be honest, and kind, with yourself as you do this. Always aim at making choices that keep you in integrity and encourage you to do your best and feel your best in any given moment, even if you slip or trip up first. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
Copyright 2012 © Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru” and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at State of Appreciation.
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru” and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at State of Appreciation.
