When guilt rears its ugly head ...

When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go.  The past is over ...  Forgive yourself and move on

Bernie S. Siegel

"Forgiveness is now always easy At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.  And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness"

Marianne Williamson

"Forgiveness is not always easy.  At times, it feels more painful than the would we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.  And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness,."  

Marianne Williamson

“Forgiveness does not mean that we suppress anger; forgiveness means that we have asked for a miracle: the ability to see through mistakes that someone has made to the truth that lies in all of our hearts.

Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.

And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. Attack thoughts towards others are attack thoughts towards ourselves. The first step in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive........Marianne Williamson

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” ........Alexandra Asseily

“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart ... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” ........Hannah Moore

“Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. Always be the first to forgive; and forgive yourself first always"

........Dan Zadra

Forgiving Without Condoning Or Forgetting

I suspect all of us have been hurt in deep and lasting ways by the words or acts of another. It's normal in such situations to feel hostility toward the person who hurt us. If we allow the offense to linger, we may carry the hurt and resentment in the form of a grudge. Usually this causes more unhappiness for us than the person we're mad at.


Some religions speak of forgiveness as a moral duty, others as a worthy virtue, and still others impose preconditions on the wrongdoer before he or she is entitled to be forgiven. Whatever your religious views, psychologists say the ability to forgive is closely correlated to happiness and mental health.


Some people refuse to even entertain the idea of forgiveness because they don't think the person they resent deserves to be forgiven. Others don't want to appear to condone or excuse the conduct and certainly don't want to reconcile with the person.


The essence of forgiveness is a voluntary decision to abandon continuing resentment, to let go of anger, and to move on. It doesn't require or imply condoning, excusing, or forgetting. Nor does it require that the forgiver re-establish a relationship with the wrongdoer.


According to Dr. Ben Dean, the capacity to forgive is related to the character strength of empathy. People who can empathize with an offender and see things from that person's perspective are much better able to forgive. He also says that the older we get, the more forgiving we're likely to become.


Hmmm. We usually get wiser, too. So maybe it's wise to forgive.




Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

Letting Go.

I think so many of us are too hard on ourselves for what we didn't accomplish or what we should have done.  The first step is to forgive yourself for all the things you didn't do that you should have and all the things that you did do that you shouldn't have.  Get rid of the guilt.  Negative feelings don't do you much good.  The way to deal with them is to forgive yourself and forgive others.

Forgiveness is a tricky term.  It does not only mean that you apologize, although regretting what you did is part of it.  You may want to make amends if you can, but there are some circumstances where there is nothing more you can do.  Even when you cannot mend fences with others, you need to tell yourself:  "Yes, I did it and it would have been better if I hadn't, but now I want to forgive myself for having done that negative deed."

Forgiveness helps you come to terms with the past.  I've learned how to forgive myself, and this has helped me no longer feel deep regrets or sadness about my past.

There's a difference between using your past and wallowing in it.  Say I had an experience with a nasty person and I got nasty back, but I don't want to be that way anymore.  I can use that experience to work out a different response whenever someone is not so pleasant to me.  If I don't like my reaction, I can change my response.

You can review your past, benefit from your successes, and learn from your mistakes without judging yourself.  This is an excellent time to do a life review, to make amends, identify and let go of regrets, come to terms with unresolved relationships, and tie up loose ends.

Morrie Schwartz

Forgiveness

When I feel betrayed by someone,
instead of sulking, clinging to
my resentment and playing the
role of victim, I am challenged to
strengthen my soul through forgiveness.
By forgiving the person who hurt me,
I strengthen my soul. . . . each time
we are called upon to forgive, we
nourish our souls and learn more about
who we are and what we have to
share in this world. This is also an
example of unconditional love.

John Gray

Open Your Heart to Goodness

Open your heart to goodness.
The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person.

When we blame another, we give our power away because we’re placing the responsibility for our feelings on someone else. People in our lives may behave in ways that trigger uncomfortable responses in us. However, they didn’t get into our minds and create the buttons that have been pushed. Taking responsibility for our own feelings and reactions is mastering our “ability to respond.” In other words, we learn to consciously choose rather than simply react.

We can’t talk about resentment without also talking about forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that we condone their behavior. The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person. The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting ourselves free from holding on to the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing ourselves from the negative energy.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing the painful behaviors or actions of another to continue in your life. Sometimes, forgiveness means letting go. You forgive them and release them. Taking a stand and setting healthy boundaries are often the most loving things you can do—not only for yourself, but for the other person as well.

No matter how much chaos may be going on around us, no matter how many things may be going wrong or not the way we want them to, no matter what our bodies may be doing at the moment—we can love and accept ourselves. For the truth of us—the very truth of our being—is that we’re eternal. We have always been and we always will be. And that part of ourselves goes on forever. Rejoice that this is so. As we love and accept ourselves exactly as we are, it makes it easier to go through the so-called difficult times. We’re no longer fighting ourselves. We’re accepting. We’re becoming tender. We’re cherishing ourselves. We’re comforting ourselves and making it easier for ourselves.

Louise Hay